I missed Dr. Umar terribly tonight. Tariq, Iman and I went to a Webb Foundation event. It was a fantastic event, a mawlid with Dawud Wharnsby Ali leading the songs. Mashallah he has a beautiful voice. But Dr. Umar's absence was always on the back of my mind. He left for Kansas on Wednesday to be with his mother during her last days. I've been thinking of him ever since he left, but his absence today was very hard for me. I know how much he would have enjoyed hearing and singing with Dawud Wharnsby Ali. Heck, he loves singing with Tariq and Saqib, and they are nothing compared to DWA.
And then, during the break, I nearly cried when Mazen announced that Dr. Umar's mother passed away an hour ago...I only met her once, and didn't have much of a relationship with her, but something in me made me feel so sad, so empty that the woman who raised such a beautiful man has returned to Allah. That my beloved teacher, my dear friend, my spiritual father, has lost a part of him, a part of him that left the world when she left.
I missed him so much tonight. Just thinking about what he is going through right now, having lost his mother - and not just any mother, but a mother he was super close to - makes me feel so empty. I want so much to be there for him, yet, I know I will not know what to say when I actually do see him. What do you say to a man who is so much wiser than you, so much stronger than you, so much more patient than you, so much more content than you with God's will? What words can you possibly impart that can serve as any comfort?
I pray for him and his family to have strength during this time and for his mother's comfort in the hereafter. I pray that Allah forgives her for her shortcomings, and rewards her with Junnah for all the good that she has done in her life, and I pray that she is rewarded for all of Dr. Umar's good deeds as well, by virtue of being his mother. And I pray for Dr. Umar and his family, that they are all granted long, healthy, happy, and successful lives and that they are rewarded for all the good that they do. Ameen.
Dr. Umar's absence today reminded me of what a blessing it is to have him here with us, yet scared me at the same time because I know our time together in this world is limited. There are no words to describe how important and essential his presence is in our lives, how valuable his friendship is. Alhamdulillah. I only pray that Tariq, Iman and I continue to benefit from the barakah of having him be so close to us, and that we do not take for granted even one minute that we have with him.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Fleeting Romance, Searching for love
Pyar toh hain magan, pyar toh hain junoon
Sirf milne se milta nahin hai sukoon....
- Junoon, Pyar Bina
Soul needs beauty for a soul mate...
What the soul wants, the soul waits.
I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance of a man and a woman
- U2, A Man and a Woman
Alhamdullilah I've been married for six and a half years now. To some, that may seem short. To others, that may seem like forever. As for myself, I go back and forth. Sometimes I think my marriage is still very young and I feel like it happened only yesterday, and other times, I can't remember what life was like before I was married.
I do know that before I got married, and even probably a good two or three years into my marriage, I was a super hopeless romantic and believed in this fairy tale notion of love, romance, and soul mates. Its funny that I did, because thats not at all how it happened for me. I mean, don't get me wrong, my husband did his share of trying to be romantic but fell into a huge cheese trap instead most of the time. But, I appreciate his efforts. But if you asked me how I wanted it to be before I got married, I would have related a long and dramatic Bollywood type love story and proposal. Even after I got married, I would watch all the cheesy romantic movies, and wasn't able to see past the flowers, small gifts, and surprises as romance. My husband, much like most other typical guys, is not really into the whole flower and surprise thing, so it didn't happen very often.
As my marriage matured, I learned more about life, and through my various conversations with married people, single people, divorced people, I learned that reality is closer to how its described above by Junoon and U2. Love is not this fairytale story where you are constantly showered with gifts and romantic whisperings. There is no ONE person out there that is your soul mate and only he can connect with you. Sometimes I feel like we all believe in the existence of this one person, and in our search for that one person, we pass up opportunities that could have been our happiness. Whether that opportunity is passing up a proposal that just didn't fit your criteria, or whether that opportunity is not giving your all or feeling "it" in a marriage that you have been blessed with. We think that only a certain type of person will make us happy, but really, there's no formula. I wish there was, it would make every thing so much easier.
Romance is not how many times a month you get flowers or surprises, its actually the tiny little displays of mercy you show your spouse every day. Yet I was (and sometimes still am) guilty of searching for the fairytale romance, when all the time, I had something much more valuable, much more substantive in front of me all along - a meaningful relationship and love. I don't mean to sound all cheesy so don't take this the wrong way. I remember when I heard the chorus to U2's A Man and a Woman for the first time, 'I could never take a chance, of losing love to find romance' and realized how true this really was. Many hear this and think its too bittersweet, that it's a verse full of hopelessness - that its talking about settling, and accepting a routine, safe, life. But really, your soul mate is a person you share love with, thats what makes him your soulmate. Not romance. And by saying, 'I could never take a chance of losing love to find romance,' its appreciating that strength and spirituality that such a relationship brings into your life and admits that romance is fleeting while love is constant.
But is love constant? What makes people fall out of love? Or stop loving each other? Or stop loving each other the way they used to? I know enough people who are unhappy in their marriages to know that theres a truth to Junoon's 'sirf milne se milta nahin hain sukoon.' So many people I know marry their "soulmate" or their dream spouse, only to find themselves lost three or five or ten years down the road. You can't just find love and expect everything to be as peaches and cream as it is for the first 6 months of your relationship. It's not just about finding love and expecting everything else to just fall into place. It's about working together to make the relationship meaningful, and about loving each other's hearts, along with all the flaws associated with that heart. Its about finding the good in an imperfect person, and making them to be perfect in your eyes. No spouse or marriage is perfect from the day you marry them, and they never become perfect throughout your marriage, but its those imperfections and your ability to love them what makes them perfect for you. That's where the sukoon comes from.
Sirf milne se milta nahin hai sukoon....
- Junoon, Pyar Bina
Soul needs beauty for a soul mate...
What the soul wants, the soul waits.
I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance of a man and a woman
- U2, A Man and a Woman
Alhamdullilah I've been married for six and a half years now. To some, that may seem short. To others, that may seem like forever. As for myself, I go back and forth. Sometimes I think my marriage is still very young and I feel like it happened only yesterday, and other times, I can't remember what life was like before I was married.
I do know that before I got married, and even probably a good two or three years into my marriage, I was a super hopeless romantic and believed in this fairy tale notion of love, romance, and soul mates. Its funny that I did, because thats not at all how it happened for me. I mean, don't get me wrong, my husband did his share of trying to be romantic but fell into a huge cheese trap instead most of the time. But, I appreciate his efforts. But if you asked me how I wanted it to be before I got married, I would have related a long and dramatic Bollywood type love story and proposal. Even after I got married, I would watch all the cheesy romantic movies, and wasn't able to see past the flowers, small gifts, and surprises as romance. My husband, much like most other typical guys, is not really into the whole flower and surprise thing, so it didn't happen very often.
As my marriage matured, I learned more about life, and through my various conversations with married people, single people, divorced people, I learned that reality is closer to how its described above by Junoon and U2. Love is not this fairytale story where you are constantly showered with gifts and romantic whisperings. There is no ONE person out there that is your soul mate and only he can connect with you. Sometimes I feel like we all believe in the existence of this one person, and in our search for that one person, we pass up opportunities that could have been our happiness. Whether that opportunity is passing up a proposal that just didn't fit your criteria, or whether that opportunity is not giving your all or feeling "it" in a marriage that you have been blessed with. We think that only a certain type of person will make us happy, but really, there's no formula. I wish there was, it would make every thing so much easier.
Romance is not how many times a month you get flowers or surprises, its actually the tiny little displays of mercy you show your spouse every day. Yet I was (and sometimes still am) guilty of searching for the fairytale romance, when all the time, I had something much more valuable, much more substantive in front of me all along - a meaningful relationship and love. I don't mean to sound all cheesy so don't take this the wrong way. I remember when I heard the chorus to U2's A Man and a Woman for the first time, 'I could never take a chance, of losing love to find romance' and realized how true this really was. Many hear this and think its too bittersweet, that it's a verse full of hopelessness - that its talking about settling, and accepting a routine, safe, life. But really, your soul mate is a person you share love with, thats what makes him your soulmate. Not romance. And by saying, 'I could never take a chance of losing love to find romance,' its appreciating that strength and spirituality that such a relationship brings into your life and admits that romance is fleeting while love is constant.
But is love constant? What makes people fall out of love? Or stop loving each other? Or stop loving each other the way they used to? I know enough people who are unhappy in their marriages to know that theres a truth to Junoon's 'sirf milne se milta nahin hain sukoon.' So many people I know marry their "soulmate" or their dream spouse, only to find themselves lost three or five or ten years down the road. You can't just find love and expect everything to be as peaches and cream as it is for the first 6 months of your relationship. It's not just about finding love and expecting everything else to just fall into place. It's about working together to make the relationship meaningful, and about loving each other's hearts, along with all the flaws associated with that heart. Its about finding the good in an imperfect person, and making them to be perfect in your eyes. No spouse or marriage is perfect from the day you marry them, and they never become perfect throughout your marriage, but its those imperfections and your ability to love them what makes them perfect for you. That's where the sukoon comes from.
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